Dear You

Silent throne made of stone fleshed with bone
She tried contrived left dissatisfied
Forgot the letters, forgot the boons
Forgot the thousand powder burns

A million pairs of eyes watch in the dark
A million cries a million die
Two small white orbs sit placid and blank
In an office next to a gun on top of a bank

How difficult is it for a man to see light
When blinders are screwed in his skull from birth

Feelings cannot express these words:
Used and thrown out when you were done
Checked out and drove off down the road
Killing me was all you did

Yes, it's true that I gave it away
Only you knew the whole time, you knew
Ultimately, we're both shit. I just know it

A Sense of Urgency

The moment was vicious. I looked at her as she looked at me, and we both knew we were about to die. All I could think about was how pissed I'd be if she said, "I love you." All she could think about was how much of a bastard I was. It was really quiet outside until you noticed the hum and creaking of the generators and old brick and metal buildings. Almost as an afterthought, the wind breathed through the trees' leaves.

Dangerous

"Suicide is dangerous, man, it catches on so fast and the kids love it. Before you can blink, you're asking yourself, 'What makes me so fucking special?' and bang, headshot, .22 slug."

I'm dripping off of the moon
Somehow I started this death cult
Leaving this place soon

Touch skies with your eyes
A bathtub full of shoestring
Every day before I sleep I sigh
And then I go ahead and die

Causation isn't probation
so you should keep em the fuck apart
Religion is poison,
and you are weak-minded to believe otherwise

You're trying to interact with me
on a level that doesn't make sense to me
So cut the subtext, elevate language to art
it's so fucking simple: listen to your heart

WATCH THE FUCK OUT
A huge fucking brick
Fell through the skylight
It crushed all your family
Now it's coming for me

OH FUCKING DAMN
An angry busdriver
Just kicked down the door
He's got a fucking crowbar
Gonna settle some scores

///

I am a dragon
I breathe fire
Collect treasure,
fair maidens,
hate knights.

The Red Pen

And this is what I'm like when there's nothing left, my friends are foes, and my love is dead. The circumstances progressed to the point of no return. I'm flying by night, fucking burn burn burn. There is no emotion for me to express because the only emotion is the emotion of death. Most don't understand, and they treat me less well. I don't care for myself, I ignore my health. Because of the lies that you let me believe, I don't want to die, I just want to grieve. Your face doesn't elicit a response anymore 'cause I gave you my all and now I'm left poor. There will be no easy way out of this, not as long as you're there and I can still feel your kiss. I let my head get hurt and my heart get obliderated. Why you're worth it is unknown, why I do this isn't real. You've been forgiven, I don't care anymore, I just want some sleep so I won't think about more.

Peace On Earth & Universal Love

I don't wanna empathize anymore
I just wanna be loved for being your whore
I'm so fuckin' tired of self-deprecation
I hate every song on every radio station

We're lost in the archetype
OF EVERY FUCKING SOCIAL LIE
Take a long hard look at your life
IT WILL LAST YOU FOREVER

Married to my spinal pain
Taking care, disconnecting the brain
No one loves you no one fucking cares

There is nothing that should really be
There is no you, there is no me
Existence precludes prerogative

I found my own archetype
AND I KILLED HIM WITH MY OWN BARE HANDS
I took a long hard look at my life
EVERYTHING WAS FINE

Cognitive dissonance
Abstract ambivalence

Hangman Again

Expanding outwards from three distinct points
Transgressing violently onto reality
No more language no more identity no more expression no more desire no more lies
Pure integrity compromises the slow track
Locked in a box head bashed in with rocks
Separate structures deconstruct manifestos
You've made platonic virtues out of vice
All these abstractions regurgitating processes
Widespread denotations leave cancerous bile
Filth to rot to stability to status quo to filth again
Memories enshrined in forever, forever only is now
Divergent perspectives inadequate to explain larger understandings and vaster overarching patterns
What did you want to do when you woke up?
What did you actually do?
I tried fighting and that didn't change anything
Shouting out expressions of emotion and that gets you locked
Be quiet and hide cause when it starts, I don't think you're gonna have much of a chance.

Operative Levels

- Confusion, limited knowledge, ease of contentedness

- Seeds of abstract sown, temporal discontent, questioning

- Re-awakening of explanations, abstract thoughts with ease

- Stability, rationalization of discontent, reduced abstract

- Sociopathic understanding, calculated diversion of norms

- Logical fallacies utilized to fuel suicide and/or happiness



* These are just a few *

Mary's a fuckin' prick

"I find myself despicable. Death is my dream. It is difficult to sleep because of psychosomatic pain in my spine. I feel, unlike many. It's hard to love, like many. I have had a good life, am loved, desired, even idolized by many. However, I find myself unbearably compelled to self-annihilation. Viciously, I bring myself to subhuman levels of mental agony. I hate almost everything in my life, almost everything about myself. The way people treat me makes me want to die while simultaneously castigating myself vigourously for not treating people well enough. I consider myself a vile and putrid bastard and I will rot in Hell if there is one."

Robot Falcon

Drug use tends to prolong and exacerbate liminal states, while simultaneously making it difficult to return to a stable complacency and increasing the satisfaction received when achieving a new sense of identity.

Winnie Orange Pt. 15

listen to yourself more
you generally have all the answers
trust in people more/less
they can help while you help them.

vibrant exclusive this
paranormal naranoia
fish swim, humans kill
this separation is born
of discontent and grants
certain transcendent boons

Winnie Orange Pt. 14

To my right,

I smell the night

To my left,

I taste death

In between, I'll stake

my heart

It will burn, and it

will hurt,

And I will watch it

all from here

Winnie Orange Pt. 13

As much as we believe to see
things in 3 dimensions (some say
4), the simple fact remains
that there is cohesion of all
senses. We've got only one
perception each, the differences
we cling to sensorially are
divergent from a cognizant
ultimate goal. Think not what
you can do for your kids, think
about how you can become the
best parent for them.

Winnie Orange Pt. 12

Everything that I say is
Very important to someone.
I will mostly never hear
Screams of agony, just
Cathartic bellows. The
Erudite among us all
Remember the truth, the
Abstractions we cling to
Tightly. Listen now:
Everyone's telling the truth.

Winnie Orange Pt. 11

10 9 8 7
everything's going to
fucking burn
6 5 4 3
I hope I will be the
first
2! 1!
my entire life just got
so much fucking worse.

Winnie Orange Pt. 10

I don't worry anymore
about inspiration. There's
a big bucket of fish
in my head and all I
have to do is stick my
hand in there. Someday
I might pull out a bloody
stump.

Winnie Orange Pt. 9

one thing after the next
one breath, exhale
one foot in front of the other
stop.
take another breath
you'll do this the rest
of your life

Winnie Orange Pt. 8

I clean the cuts up
on my arms
Put the Band-Aids on
my hands
I feel... better every
day
My smile... lights up
your face
Cold air makes me
feel so warm
There's no frostbite
anymore.

4AD Part III

BEWEIRDERMENT

DECOGNICIZE

"OH the comic cosmic pleasure derived
from self-diversion"

mechanically performing nothing can instigate
a form of deconstruction in which greater
realizations can occur.

4AD Part II

NOWTHISISMEWHENIAMENDLESSWHENTHETRA
CKSKIPPEDANDHASN'TCAUGHTITSELFYETSOWAI
TTHEREWEREEXACTLY3
3
3POINTSANDNOWTHEY'REG
ONEBUTI'VEGOTAPATTERNANDMETHODANDI'MGOOD
ASGOLDBECAUSEFEELINGSOWRONGNEVERFELTSOGOOD
NOWJUSTIMAGINETHEQUALITYOFTHESHITI'VEGOTIT'LL
[star shape]TLE
YOU
BACK
INTOAWEWEONOEXOT
XR3TIBP[loss of language]
[flatline]
[abstract conceptualization of ink as consciousness]
BACKTOTHEORIGINALCONCEPTWHEREWEWEREBEFOREWES
TARTEDYOU'VEGOTABEATOFANYSORTTOWORKWITHYOUHAVE
GOTMYHEARTTHEEND.
[thick rough black line] <- THAT'SFORWHENITHINKTHEREAREPEOPLEWATCHINGANDTHE
REAREN'TSOIWASTHINKINGWRONG
THAT'SFORWHENI'MWRONG
THISISFORMEWHENI'MRIGHT: [zebra striped barcode signifying clarity of vision and purpose]

4AD Part I

Blue Ballpoint:
To express my desire for nothingness I ask for nothing less that can be gave

Purple Sharpie:
No solid emotive vessel of purpose no vestige point none

Red Sharpie:
Everything followed to ultimate conclusion mine

Small Black Ink:
Identity dissolves in the space between the lines. The remembered abstractions of a once forgotten time. The immediate experience serves to justify. Vessels fueled by winds of darkest creation. The life is to strive and thrive. Provide comfort for us all.

Japanese Black Sharpie:
There is no you There is no I
Existence precludes prerogative.
blight and love the only pursuits
worth pursuing
all else is garbage
all other pens
say less

Quiet Black Sharpie:
[abstract black lines at right angles to each other]
that is what i have to say

Old Black Ballpoint:
I am the voice that nobody listens to, I am selfish and vicious and full of rage because my intent is misunderstood.

Red Pen:
track 16 is the hardest one to follow it is one that uses the brain
it overlaps and interlays meanings lost and then reconstituted
this is the only truth you need to know: pattern recognition lets you feel the beat

Tiny Evil Black Ink:
I am hunger and craving, I'm the only one who's hard to resist. All I give you is what you want, I'm so totally what you need. I am capricious and disappear yet I'm always there even if you aren't.

Faint Pencil:
I am the dimness of knowledge
of remembrance and last
touch. I am your first
kiss. I am your
last love.

Distracted Tiny Black Pen:
THIS IS THE PART
WHERE IT GETS
GOOD AS YOU CAN
SEE THERE IS CLEARLY
NO ME LEFT

AND NOW I'M OVER HERE BUT THE ONLY WAY TO
CATCH ME IS FROM BACK OVER HERE

AND I KEEP
COMING BACK
BUT THEN I'M GONE

I wanna be loved for being inconsistent.
...as I wipe slobberjuddercrabbermaw.

Sketchy Black Ballpoint:
WIND IS MY COMPANION FOR HOW I BLOW AT YOU

Yellow Sharpie:
All this is
empty abstract
pure pattern
and nothing
more

what you derive
is your misgivings
this fractured pattern
knows the score

Song about a T-Rex

The gnashing jaws of the
Tyrannosaurus Rex
Beady yellow eyes...
I spy carrion!
My bloody fangs
will crush your legs
Scavenger! Carnivore!
Yeeeaaargh!

Pink Book III

Switch it around it's barely coursing
I could lie and say it's not worth
taking the time to be that
concerned.
why do I set myself up for disaster
only to end up satiated in
all my needs.