Hmm.

If there was a way to escape from this endless cycle of vicious paranoia, self-hatred, loneliness, and denial, I would take it. I mean, if it didn't involve killing myself. But so far, all I've got is a few months of time to waste and spend face down in my bed at night.
My connections on the internet are superficial and helpless. These aren't really reassuring, I don't really let them be. I'm just praying that when I go to see her and try to forge a new fucking lifestyle it doesn't collapse by my own downer nationality.